How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together, by Susan Page   [Paperback 1998]

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Rave Reviews (19)*

• 1) Lots to think about here...

  by Anonymous on January 26 1998
    220+ helpful votes

  I am a man, and this review is for other men. I'm going to figure that you are looking for a book on relationships because you are having problems with your own relationship. As a man, you are probably goal oriented and practical - you have a problem, you are looking for solutions, and maybe a book will help. There are lots of books out there - which to pick? Susan Page's book is valuable, and I do recommend it. There is quite a lot of useful information here, and lots to think about. Expect to spend some time with this book. She takes a highly behavioral approach - you are asked to first believe that your relationship will work, and to act loving toward your partner. If you change your beliefs and behaviors, she maintains, then you will see your relationship flourish and the feelings between you and your partner will grow. If your orientation is different - for example, if you believe that it's more important to search for and heal the underlying childhood wounds that cause you to think, feel, and behave in the ways you do - then you may not be happy with this book. My advice to you, however, is that you NOT read this book first. I'm not convinced that there is one book out there that will give you everything you need to know to "fix" things, or at least I haven't found it. I have a thick skull, and it has taken reading several things for these ideas to start to penetrate. I think you will have an easier time understanding and accepting what Susan Page is saying if you read a few other things first. Here are some other books you might wish to search for also: (1) "Communication Miracles for Couples," by Jonathan Robinson - this book is very short and accessible, and you will find some of the same ideas. After you start to understand some of this stuff, I think you will have an easier time working through Susan Page's book, which is much more detailed. (2)If you are heterosexual, I think you may find it helpful to read something about the differences between men and women. You don't have to buy into all of it, but the girls probably do think differently than us, and it will get you thinking. So consider John Gray's "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Along a similar vein, and an absolute bargain at only about $5, is the book "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kreidman, which is extremely practical. Happy reading, and good luck!

• 2) This book is AMAZING!

  by Anonymous on March 14 2001
    100+ helpful votes

  ...it completely changed my outlook on so many issues I had been struggling with. Other relationship books try to teach you how to fix specific problems- and every relationship has different problems and circumstances. This book teaches you how to view your problem in a different way (regardless of what the problem is) which will ultimately stop the pattern that is creating the arguement in the first place. It is like no other book that i have read. I had a hard time getting past the idea of taking on all the work and responsibilty of "doing it by myself", but you really arent- your new actions will create changes within your partner-kinda like he/she is working on it too and making changes without even knowing it. I HIGHLY recommend this book. I am not usually into doing the "excercises" but some of the results I found were amazing (and instant).

• 3) best book I've ever read on relationships

  by Anonymous on December 30 2001
    70+ helpful votes

  Like everyone else says, this is a tremendous book, and it is by far the best and wisest book I've ever read on relationships, and I've read more than a few. It is much better than couples therapy and provides immediate results and feedback.

  The book empowers readers to improve their relationships without having to persuade their spouse to be involved at all - the spouse's behavior changes without effort when you apply the principles in this book.

  The book is especially useful for people who feel like the problems in their relationship are all their partner's fault, or who spend a lot of energy being angry about their partner's behavior and failure to meet their needs, or who feel like their partner has all the power. Reading this book causes a complete mind shift, and even if you don't put everything into practice (which takes some self-control and a willingness to change your own behavior), your attitude will be greatly improved and your outlook more positive on your relationship.

  When I read this book, I found myself astonished at its obvious good sense and the fact that no one else has written anything like it.

  Buy it and read it!

• 4) The one that worked.

  by Anonymous on January 04 2002
    50+ helpful votes

  First of all, Susan Page is a good writer. She's fun to read. She doesn't condescend, she doesn't oversimplify, she doesn't use examples that sound like they come straight off the Jerry Springer show. Unlike a lot of self-help books, this one won't insult your intelligence.

  Second of all, Susan Page knows what she's talking about. She may not have a whole new way of looking at relationships -- let's face it, there are only so many variations on that theme -- but she's got a way of putting it all together that's not only smart, but wise.

  How do I know? After about a year and a half of barely speaking to someone I wanted to be close to, I read this book and started doing some of the suggested "experiments." And what do you know? It only took a few weeks before our problems started to recede and our pleasure in each other increased. And now -- okay, things aren't perfect, but they're very very nice indeed.

  Besides, if you're buying this book because you're unhappy with the way things are right now, what have you got to lose?

• 5) Without fear, give this to your mate to read.....

  by Anonymous on October 07 2002
    50+ helpful votes

  I am presently separated after 37 years of marriage- we both said we needed some space. I have spent years in therapy because I was told it was "my fault". I am a pleaser and I am married to someone who refuses accountability. I have read many books on "helping marriages" and communication. This book is different. I am about to send it to my husband and ask him to read it- at least chapters 7 and 8, if he cant read anything else. This book is intimate and an easy and comprehensible read- it makes you see how you can change circumstances and you don't feel as if this is a burden- it is simply a way of life. I found out alot about myself in this book and I accepted myself as doing the best that I can. I also accepted my husband from an entirely new point of view. I gave us permission to be who we are and accepted that. I don't mean to make it sound easy- but actually it is- and it will change you yourself and make you care for yourself. It affirms good will and loving intentions- even though we may interpret it differently. Read this- and make your life different- and your relationship understandable. If you have been married a year or 37 years like me- and there is a thread of love there- READ THIS BOOK!

• 6) This book changed my life.

  by Anonymous on April 28 1999
    40+ helpful votes

  Really. Page is a voice of sanity! Her advice, tips, and rationale for changing one's own behavior and attitude to improve relationships is great. And, she frames changes in the context of getting what you want out of relationships, which provides tremendous motivation for making them. I feel like it puts me in control of creating a win-win situation. This has the uncanny effect of feeding my ego while I'm learning to let go of it (and being right) at the same time. It's an exquisite balance. And, the quality of my intimate relationship has improved, as advertized. I hope she's making a lot of money, because it's priceless information.

• 7) Absolutely wonderful book. A terrific help for couples.

  by Anonymous on April 21 1999
    40+ helpful votes

  I cannot say enough about this book. It opened my eyes in so many ways to the things I could positively do to work on our relationship without my husband. He does not believe in marriage counseling. I recommend this book highly if you need help, but the other person does not want counseling. Susan Page knew what I was thinking throughout this book. I could not believe that someone had put this on paper so well!

• 8) With the right attitude, it does work!

  by This book has changed my relationship w/ my husband! on July 31 2005
    30+ helpful votes

  An action leads to a reaction. A reaction then leads to another action. Many relationships get suck quickly into the sinking sand, before you know it, it is over!
  
  Our marriage was just like that! I've seeked help- clinical psychiatrist, marriage counselor, and read enough books on building relationships. No "improvements" seem to last!
  
  I came across this book right around the time when i decided our marriage is over. I thought, one more book, what have I got to lose?
  
  I have to admit it as NOT easy to "act loving towards your spouse" when it felt like there's no love left in the relatioinship. There were times that I felt like screaming and throw in the towels. " I don't have to put up with this!" came to my mind often. But if you persist and use Susan's guidelines, your new behavior/action will lead to new and different reaction. Slowly things does improve.
  
  Our marriage is far from "smooth sailing", but we are no longer hostile towards each other and I can see us growing old together. BTW, my husband has never read the book! He does not think he has any problem! (Yea, right!) This book offers some interesting views on how you can work on improving your relationship even if your other half is not totally cooperating. Some changes are simply contagious.
  
  Beware, you must change yourself first!
  

• 9) Smooth sailing from here...

  by SamanthaFox on July 16 2003
    30+ helpful votes

  Wow. This book is great. It's completely changed my attitude towards my relationship and my boyfriend. I read a lot of books by Richard Carlson, Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra, and this book ties together principles from all of them and focuses on relationships, something a little underdeveloped in the other books. I've learned to appreciate the fun that we have, instead of letting only the rough spots color my feelings towards our relationship. I've learned that most men (my boyfriend is definitely part of this group) appreciate stability and togetherness in a relationship more than romantic gestures and outright statements of affection, and that women (me included) sometimes get so hung up on the romantic declarations that we forget to appreciate what we do enjoy about having someone to love. This book is very practical, very actionable. It's not just theories and philosophies, it applies everything to your relationship. I'd recommend it to anyone whose relationship is suffering from a case of the blahs or feels like their partner doesn't do his/her part of the maintenance a relationship requires.

• 10) For One Who Wants to Be a Better Soul Mate

  by A Reader with Gratitude and Appreciation on August 12 2004
    30+ helpful votes

  Honestly, I was reading this book when I had my first heart break. I was in search for answers, in search for the truth and resolution. If you happen to experience a heart break, reading this book can possibly have two outcomes to you:
  
  1. It might create an illusion as that you can do things to bring your partner back.
  
  NOTE: At that point, you just have to make sure your partner/ex-partner wants to work with you. Remember, your partner/ex-partner, too, has a choice. He/she might not be making the wisest choice but they have a right to choose what they want in life too. Coming to learn how to respect your partner/ex-partner¡¦s choice of leaving is a challenge. I¡¦d say this. If your partner/ex-partner is determined to leave, shut himself/herself down regardless, that love was probably not meant to be. It is then we need to take good care of our own emotions and have the desire to heal than getting yourself hurt by trying numerous things with that partner/ex-partner suggested in the book.
  
  2. You can learn from your past mistakes and this book will prepare you to become a better soul mate.
  
  NOTE: Susan Page taught me many things I did not know when I was in that previous long-term relationship. She taught me the importance to view relationship problems in a different way, a way that is positive which is extremely tough when you have fights/differences with your partner. She taught me the importance of showing appreciation and taking care of myself as an individual while one is in a relationship. The book also taught me the importance in communicating expectations and needs than expecting the other party to just know. Most importantly, I think a successful relationship is about two individuals who are self-reliant and content about lives join together. That is what makes relationships beautiful and grateful.
  
  I wish I would have read this book in my previous relationship. However, without the heart break, I guess I would not have been in search for answers, the truth and to have the desire to be a better person and a better soul mate. This book is truly recommended for people who are in relationships and people who fall out of relationships but want to learn from the past mistakes. Enjoy reading!
  

• 11) Empowering

  by Anonymous on March 15 2004
    20+ helpful votes

  When you really look at them, most advice books for couples spend most of their pages telling you how much YOU contribute to the issues and problems in your relationship. Page's title comes right out and says what the titles of other "couples" books don't: Improvement starts with YOU!! Inside the book, she immediately starts giving you practical ways of improving your relationship. Her "experiments" are useful and effective. Also, it's written in a clear and accessible style. This book empowers you with the skills you need to improve any relationship, so anyone would find this book useful.

• 12) How One Book Can Bring You Back into Control.....

  by Anonymous on November 13 2003
    20+ helpful votes

  I bought this book at the end of a relationship and wished I had had this book during our time together. This book emphasizes focusing on the positive of the relationship and just letting the problems go. I felt I could have taken better control of the relationship by just letting go of everything that was bothering me and appreciating the wonderful man that I had.

  The relationship I was trying to save is over; however, I was able to salvage a relationship that I had been neglecting...the relationship with myself.

  To get everything you can out of this book, be sure and work through the "experiments" and write it out. You'll be amazed at the observations you may find. I still go back and review what I wrote and it makes me feel better. I know that I won't make the same mistakes again!

• 13) Can This Marriage Be Saved?

  by Virginia Allain on December 22 2005
    20+ helpful votes

  I wish I'd had this book when my first marriage ran into trouble. My counselor at that time told me the marriage could be saved only if both persons were willing to work on it and that one person could not save it alone.
  The focus of this book is on developing fresh perspectives about the relationship, overcoming resentment, recapturing lost intimacy and solving major problems, one at a time. Don't give up without first trying these techniques.

• 14) One of the best books on relationships

  by Phyllis Shacter on August 10 1997
    10+ helpful votes

  This book is one of the best on relationships I have ever read. Its title suggests that it is for married couples, but the information in invaluable for any relationship. She shows you how to make any relationship just the way you want it! It is not necessarily a book for fixing bad relationships (although it will help). It can make your ordinary relationships extraordinary ones. You can read the book like a novel and it will affect your life. Stop to do the exercises and it could transform your life.

• 15) Lots of HELP and INSIGHT!

  by Anonymous on April 14 1999
    10+ helpful votes

  This book will really help you with your relationship. It shows how alone can mend so many things - but in a positive way (and not like, giving you all the responsibility, putting all the work on your shoulders...) This will totally change your viewpoint about your position in your relationship and your capability of "fixing" problems!

• 16) Well-written not so common sense!

  by Anonymous on May 17 2003
    10+ helpful votes

  The author presents a methodical approach for improving relationships that have gone sour which you aspire to repair. The exercises she suggests are superb and so far everything is working ! She suggests that as an exercise, you make a list of all of the things you like in your partner and in your relationship. I also emailed the exercise to my ex-girlfriend whom I really love very much. (She left me) When I got her list, I gave her mine, and I am trying to keep the energy positive between us when we go out or see each other or email each other. The author supposes that you have to *like* each other and like being together before trying to "fix" all the problems which led to a break up.

• 17) very insightful

  by P. Tsou on September 26 2005
    10+ helpful votes

  This book is very insightful. I just got the book and couldn't stop reading it. It points out many things that I've been doing was wrong and teach me new techniques to due with issues. I am the person that often spend a lot of energy being angry and felt like there were no way out because my partner and I are both very bull headed. But this book taught me many techniques to manage my anger (to release them but not venting them on my partner.), and deal with the problem.... not putting it off and felt more and more bitter and angry for months and finally there was the big blow up! These are good techniques to learn even if you are in a good relationship. I can't wait to try these little experiments and see how they work out.

• 18) Loaded with practical advise

  by Anonymous on September 15 2001
    10+ helpful votes

  This practical book is filled with useful tips on shaping up a damaged relationship. The book is written in a friendly, compassionate, non-clinical style which makes it accessible for just about everyone. If you are experiencing difficulty with a partner or spouse and are not sure how to handle the situation, try this book. I found reading it gave me a wake-up call and new perspective on the problems I was experiencing with my partner.

• 19) Saved my marriage

  by Midwest Reader on February 03 2007
    7+ helpful votes

  I really didn't believe that I could change my relationship, by only working myself. Boy, did Susan Page show me I was wrong. Take note, this book is not for the lazy or the faint of heart. She has "exercises" that you must actually DO, many of which involve writing about yourself and your partner. She requires that you do some hard and sometimes painful analysis of your situation. It's not always easy, it's not always fun. But if you are willing to do the work, you will find that you CAN bring you and your spouse together.